Right now this has to be my favorite life recipe. It has been a season of dishing out and receiving hurt, in separate circumstances with different people. I am sure that I have unintentionally served hurts of which I have remained unaware, but a true friend has brought to my attention hurt and anger that I have caused her, so now I am thinking about my behavior.
I should have known that good intentions do not protect people from hurt, since I have tolerated a lot of “words of wisdom” from women who have no idea what it is like to struggle with unexplained infertility. Has it been comforting to hear, “Just stop trying. That’s when it will happen.”? Uh, no.
And sometimes I think there are no intentions. I have recently been hurt by what I theorize to be people’s absolute pain and frustration eeking out in an inappropriate way.
The ugly truth is that human relationships involve human beings who are incredibly complex and totally imperfect, as wonderful as they may be. I suppose that the positive news is that a person can be wonderful and imperfect at the same time, but this perfectionist gets stuck on the imperfect part.
It was painful to realize that my unrealistic standards have been projected on to other people. Again, unintentional, but hurtful. As unfair as it is for me to expect myself to be perfect, it is just as unfair for me to expect others to be perfect (i.e. to never hurt me). Is never hurting another person perfection? It gets very complicated, doesn’t it.
That’s why I am inclined to simplify the mess with the image of non-evil humanity in a giant bowl and covering it with grace. Mix until non-evil humanity is well-coated. Then put it in a warm loven until you smell joy and peace.