When one’s spirits are not high, it is a wise thing to find and use resources to help lift the spirits. Some of those resources are perfectly healthy, and some are rather vice-ish.
Lately, I’ve been sitting with the fact that I have used self-indulgence as a coping strategy. It’s been fine, except that now I’m left with some side-effects, and I am not so fine with that. In surviving, I was not wanting to create another set of problems for myself. Now I am thinking that tapping too often in to vices is unwise, and something I will avoid in the future.
It is not necessary to make broad, dramatic statements about what I will or won’t do to cope from here on out. I think I would rather mentally divide my resources in to healthy/unhealthy categories and then think in terms of how often I would like to engage in healthy coping, and how often I/my personality can tolerate some indulgence.
Overdone indulgence left me feeling rather fat and dull. For the last two weeks, I have been working my way out of fat dullness. I feel lighter, my brain feels sharper, and I noticed that I have been not only laughing more often but creating humor within myself far more easily than I was during my age of indulgence.
There is room in life for debauchery. A hint of it can make life rich, but more than that can just make a person who appreciates discipline feel crummy inside. It’s not about guilt; it’s about moving farther away from who one wants to be. And that is not a good feeling.
Walking away from the artificial apathy that is created by habitual self-spoiling, however, IS a good feeling.